


Don't Drown Your Sorrows in Asgardian Mead

by ereshai



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Getting Together, M/M, Minor Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers, Misunderstandings, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-19 14:29:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20658767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ereshai/pseuds/ereshai
Summary: Clint is dating Darcy, and that makes Phil and Steve sad.





	Don't Drown Your Sorrows in Asgardian Mead

**Author's Note:**

  * For [uofmdragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/uofmdragon/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Fake Boyfriend](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7418434) by [uofmdragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/uofmdragon/pseuds/uofmdragon). 

> When I re-read Fake Boyfriend, I started wondering 'what if things had happened a little differently', and here we are. I hope you like it as much as I've enjoyed your C/C fics over the years, uofmdragon!  
(I used some dialogue from Fake Boyfriend in this fic.)

“Can you believe Lewis bagged Barton?” This was said much too loudly for proper discretion. Phil stopped to listen instead of reprimanding the speaker and sending them back through the spycraft 101 course.

“Yeah, she’s taking him home for Christmas. Already. I don’t know if that should give me hope or depress me.” Clint was in a relationship with Darcy, and it was serious enough that he was visiting her family over the holidays? How had Phil missed that?

“Hope? It definitely depresses me.” A heavy sigh.

“Look, if Barton is interested in Lewis after being with _ Romanoff_, there’s hope for the rest of us mere mortals, right?”

“Lewis isn’t exactly like the rest of us, though.”

“It’s proximity, that’s all. We just need to get assigned to the Avengers’ support team, and not only are we set for life at SHIELD, we will be surrounded by eye candy. Proximity will do the rest.”

“Really?” The second speaker’s voice was heavy with skepticism. “Why stop at Barton, then? Why not Stark? Or Captain America himself?”

“Stark is too easy. And Captain America probably only does it missionary style and then rolls over and falls asleep right after. I’d be better off dating my vibrator. But maybe Thor…Yeah, I could go for Thor. I bet he’s a wild ride.”

Phil had heard enough. He cleared his throat and stepped out into the hallway. The two stopped speaking immediately. “Good day, agents.” He made a point of looking at their name badges. “Is this the time and place for this conversation?” 

Both agents turned red and they were having trouble meeting his eyes. “No, sir,” they said in unison.

“We were just going,” one of them added, and they dragged their friend away.

Phil let them go, making a mental note of their names. The Avengers’ support team didn’t need agents who had loud private conversations in hallways. Then he dismissed the matter from his mind.

At least he tried to.

Why hadn’t Clint mentioned he was seeing Darcy?

*

“Rumor mill says you’ve started dated Ms. Lewis.” Phil hadn’t meant to bring it up that way. Or at all. 

Clint seemed surprised. “Really?”

Maybe they weren’t dating. Not that it was any of Phil’s business if they were, and he really shouldn’t hope it was all just a rumor. But he couldn’t leave it alone. “Apparently, you’re spending Christmas with her family?”

“Yeah, I’m totally doing that.”

Phil could only nod. So it was true. He should be happy for his friend, but all he felt was a sinking feeling in his stomach.

*

“So, Clint and Darcy.” 

Phil had never imagined a time when he wouldn’t get even the tiniest thrill that _ Captain America _ was speaking to him, but today was that day. Though it probably had more to do with what they were talking about than anything else.

“Yeah,” he sighed.

“Oh.” Steve hesitated. “Uh, you too?”

Phil eyed him. Steve liked Clint too? Phil understood why he would - he understood it all too well - but he hadn’t realized Steve was interested in men that way. _ Never assume_, he reminded himself. “I’m afraid so.”

Steve took a seat next to him. “She’s taking him home for Christmas. That’s a big deal, isn’t it?”

“It can be.” 

“I should have asked her out when I had the chance.”

“Yeah.” Phil nodded in understanding. Then Steve’s words fully registered. “Her? You mean Darcy?”

“Well, yeah. That’s who we’ve been talking about.”

“I was talking about Clint.”

Steve rubbed the back of his neck. “Clint, huh? Yeah, I can see that.” He grinned bashfully. “He’s a bad boy with a heart of gold. That’s really appealing.”

“Are you sure you weren’t talking about Clint before?” Phil was only partially teasing.

“Well, I mean, Clint is great...I’m still not used to letting myself think of other guys that way. And then I met Darcy and it didn’t seem to matter. Anyway, I don’t think he sees me that way.”

“Unfortunately, I don’t think he sees me that way, either.”

“I guess not.” Steve clapped Phil on the shoulder. “C’mon, we’re going to drown our sorrows.”

Phil stood up. “I thought you couldn’t get drunk,” he said as he followed Steve out of the room.

“Thor brought back some Asgardian mead that’ll do the trick.”

A small voice in the back of Phil’s mind told him this was probably a bad idea. He ignored it completely.

*

Phil woke the next morning with an aching head, an aching stomach, and an aching...hand? He opened his eyes into tiny slits and peered at his hand, which was wrapped in a bandage.

“Huh.”

“You punched Captain America.” Clint’s voice made Phil’s head throb. He squeezed his eyes shut again.

“Huh?” His vocabulary seemed a bit limited this morning. He was never drinking Asgardian mead again.

“You punch-”

“Why?” Phil groaned. He opened one eye to find Clint grinning.

“You were pretty upset that he and Darcy were sucking face.”

Phil pulled himself upright. “I don’t understand.” He cradled his head in his hands.

“You and Steve were having a party all by yourselves, and the rest of us came along to join in on the fun. Steve started moping about not asking Darcy out when he had the chance and when he found out that I was just going to pretend to be her boyfriend, he asked her out on the spot. They were both drunk enough that having their first date right then and there seemed like a good idea. At some point they started kissing and then you came along to defend my honor. That was real sweet, by the way.”

Clint’s grin got even bigger, if that was possible. Phil groaned again. “I don’t remember any of that. How can you?”

“I already learned my lesson about Asgardian mead. Never touch the stuff. Want a glass of water and some meds?”

Phil nodded gingerly. The wheels were turning slowly, but they were turning, and by the time Clint returned with the water and the pills, he had some questions.

“Thank you.” He swallowed the pills and then sipped the water until his stomach settled. “Did I hear you say you were only pretending to date Ms. Lewis?”

“Yeah, just to keep her mom from bugging her about not having a man yet.”

“Oh. So you two aren’t dating.”

“Nope.”

“And now she’s with Steve.”

“Yep.”

“When you said you were going home with her for the holidays, I thought…”

“Thought what?”

“That I’d missed my chance with you again.”

Clint grew serious. “That’s something you want? Really?”

“This isn’t the way I would have chosen to tell you, but yes, really.”

Clint started smiling again. “Would you like to go on a date with me, Phil?”

Phil was starting to think this was all a hallucination brought on by Asgardian mead. “Yes, I’d like that.”

“Great.” Clint clapped his hands together and stood up. Phil winced. “I’ll leave you to your hangover. I’ll call you later, if that’s okay?”

“Yeah.” Phil started to lay down again when a thought occurred to him. “I need to apologize to Steve.”

“And to Darcy. You yelled at her.”

“I’m never drinking Asgardian mead again,” Phil groaned.

“Hey, maybe we can go on a double date with them sometime,” Clint said brightly.

Phil pulled a pillow over his head. “Go away.”

“Talk to you later about our daaate,” Clint sing-songed.

“I changed my mind. You’re an asshole.”

Clint chuckled. “Nah, you like me the way I am. Later, babe.”

Under the pillow, Phil smiled. Yeah, he did like Clint exactly the way he was.


End file.
